I haven’t really known how to write this post.  Or even if I would.  But that’s a pretty big life changer and there isn’t really a way to continue on in my Bogey life without discussing it.  Or at least mentioning it.  

I did post a little while ago saying I was in NC because he was sick, and he was.  But at the time everyone thought it was a recoverable sick. Quite suddenly, it turned out not to be.  It was a surprise, and even though in the back of our minds a possibility, in the end it was quite a shock. I was able to be there, and will always be grateful for my 4am brain being able to put together the need to book an earlier Southwest ticket than I already had.  Never have three hours made such a difference in my life.  I was able to see him at home and then be with my whole family as we made difficult decisions together.

So this is why the posting has been so light.  I hope to gradually return to more regular posts, I’m sure there will be lots to discuss as I move into May.  Cameron continues to be an amazing kid.  He has been on more plane flights at 6 months than I think most people have been on by the time they go to college.  He has taken everything in stride, enjoying every person who walked through my parents’ front door.  He was a conversation starter, a bright spot in an otherwise difficult time, a support, and a comfort.  Even if he grows up to be a conservative born again with a comb-over who looks back over the Bush years with fondness I will still be in debt to him for the amazing healing he has brought me over the past few weeks.

There are many more people who read this blog than I am able to email or call but I know that many of you knew my dad and enjoyed the time you were able to spend with him.  There will be a celebration of his life on May 30, 2009 at the Angle Ampitheatre in Duke Gardens, Durham, NC.  It starts at 10:00am and the only request is that you wear something bright and colorful. He was not a fan of black or morose.  

Thanks to everyone who has called, emailed, visited, cooked, babysat, and the countless other things that have been done.  Even though I might not be quick with responses, it has been much appreciated.  

I think I handled his first cold very well.  I did not, as my husband imagined I would, rush him to the pediatrician the moment his nose turned from cute edible goodness to the swamp thing. I didn’t even give him Tylenol.  He never actually ran a fever, but my instinct is to just give him some anyway because I want to do ANYTHING to make him feel better.  Tylenol, Advil, Humidifier, Brandy, Valium.  Whatever it takes.  But I managed to make it through with nothing but the the humidifier and a lot of tissue.  Because I cannot help but wipe his nose and pick his boogers.  John can’t wait until he is able to do those things on his own.  Not so much because Cameron will be more independent, but because he’d like me to stop jumping out from behind furniture with my Kleenex box, attacking our son’s nose if I hear the faintest sniffle.

And contrary to my belief of what his first cold would entail, he survived.  With all body parts intact.

But then there was the knockout blow to the mom ego.  A couple of weeks ago, John took the day off. He had some things to do so he dropped Cameron off with his mom and I met them all for dinner.  When I got there John’s mom mentioned there was some blood in Cameron’s belly button.  Not having seen his belly button all day I figured he cut it with his razor sharp talons that he quietly files to a point in bed at night.  At the next diaper change I took a look.

My first thought was, oh. I know exactly what this is.  Followed almost instantaneously by the thought, OH. MY. GOD. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS.  I calmly asked my mother-in-law to get John, who came over and I pointed to his belly button.  Well, more accurately, the large, blood sucking tick IN his belly button.  Somehow it made me feel like the worst possible mother to have not just a bug, but a TICK, on my child.  Which then had to be torturously removed.  While I’m having an apoplectic fit, convinced Cameron’s development is about to be forever stunted by the removal of the tick, John calmly pulls it out while Cameron kicked and smiled.  My development has forever been stunted, but I think it was slowing down anyway.  

I did break down and call the pediatrician on this one, and was told nothing I didn’t already know.  Watch for redness, irritation, fever, or illness in the upcoming two weeks.  

It has been over two weeks and as with the cold, he somehow managed to survive.  With all body parts intact.  

Although it did enlighten me to the fact that Cameron would look pretty darn cute with his belly button pierced.

I’m outing myself, here I realize. I traveled to NC and for every person out there feeling hurt I didn’t tell them, I didn’t tell anyone.  Seriously.  I knew it was going to be a fun filled week in a hospital with no time for anything else. And if I called anybody, I would be so tempted to just have a quick visit here and there and then it would all spiral out of control and I’d feel torn the entire time.  

Remember, my new job rocks and I have lots of vacation time so hopefully this summer there will be a true visit just to visit and I can seen everybody.  There will probably be more stealth trips in the upcoming weeks, but I promise if I’m there for any extended time to see people, I’ll let you know. 

It was a significant trip because it marked the very first time Cameron and I flew alone.  We did get John a gate pass because security seems to be the thing that makes me curl into a ball and lie on the ground crying softly to myself.  So John saw us off, but we flew there all by ourselves. Cameron was amazing, although not the most sociable of travelers. His combination high pitched shriek/farting noises I’m not sure are the most companionable.  And there were moments where I queried to myself whether this or crying was more disruptive to passengers. Once we got into the air though, he fell fast asleep and gently woke up as we were getting off the plane.  By the end of the week however I was so exhausted and worn down John came and got us, which was lucky as Cameron decided he was over traveling and airplanes halfway through the flight home.  Lucky daddy.  

I will say the amazing thing I learned this week was the renewable energy of a baby.  I would come home at the end of the day completely worn, through and through.  As I walked through the door, there would be this bright eyed, big cheeked, happy smiling baby.  And I could just hold him and feel the warmth start to creep back into me and with each smile, giggle, laugh, fart noise, and actual fart, I would feel that much better.  

He is totally my comfort food.