Posted by Lily on Feb 6, 2009 in
Cameron,
parenting We have a debate in our house about when exactly Cameron is 4 months old. I say now, as he is 16 weeks, but John says no, not until 2/14, when it will have been four months date wise. Ultimately John is probably right as the 4 month check-up isn’t until 2/17. So this apparently is the magic age where he goes from weeks to months. Yet another sign of growing. I technically can’t call him my newborn or wait in the newborn waiting area anymore. It is only separated from the well-child area by a door, but it was a protective-I-still-have-a-nugget-who-needs-extra-special-care door.
There have been lots of developments for little man Cam. He has total control over his head (which he has actually had for awhile, I’ve just been neglect in my reporting), solid trunk strength (although balance is a little wonky still, so he can’t yet sit unassisted), grabs stuff…
Puts any and everything into his mouth…
Chatters and laughs constantly, sucks his lip, sucks his fingers, sucks his thumb…
And most importantly in his ever expanding world, rolls over .
He only does it about once a day after a long, drawn out, dramatic conversation of shrieks and grunts and wails and more grunts. Yet somehow he does it. Then he looks around on his stomach for awhile, very proud of his accomplishment for about five minutes and then gets mad that he is on his belly. Unfortunately he has not mastered the art of flipping back over.
He leads a tough life.
He is now sleeping in his own bed, although it is next to ours. I had a much more difficult time with the transition then he did. In fact I’m not sure he really noticed. His sleeping patterns are exactly what they were in our bed. Soon we will transition him to the other side of the room, and then eventually to his own room. First we have to show him his own room because I think he has spent approximately 30 seconds there.
He also has developed an affinity for a security blanket. He has lots and lots of blankets and I’ve been giving them to him since he was born to see if he likes one more than another. He hasn’t shown any interest in them. However, there was one that somehow hadn’t gotten in the mix of blankets, so I washed it the other day and gave it to him and he LOVED it. Grabbed it, rubbed it, chewed it, can’t get enough of it.
It is the twin of my security blanket when I was little. Literally the twin. My mom found it in a closet at their house one time when I was visiting before he was born. So he now has his security blanket.
There are a million small things that also continue to change everyday. He grows and develops and changes it seems almost from one nap to the next. He becomes more enjoyable with every change and seems more alert and interested in the world. He fills our hearts up in ways we didn’t actually know were possible and we now get why people have more than one child. Because for awhile there we wondered if there was some sadistic gene we were missing that caused people to enjoy the early weeks of the newborn life.
But now we totally get it.
Posted by Lily on Jan 28, 2009 in
Cameron,
parenting There has been lots going on in the world of Bogey and I have either been too exhausted, overwhelmed, or busy to post. Hopefully all of that will be changing very soon. Like maybe next week. When I begin my NEW job.
Going back to work hasn’t worked. I wake Cameron up in the mornings, feeling awful for doing so, throw a boob at him (didn’t know I could throw them, did you), throw him in the car, and whisk him off to my mother-in-law’s, through 45 minutes of traffic. I then sit at work all day missing him and wondering if he’s miserable or happy or sad or feeling bad or feeling good or missing me or forgetting me. I then rush over after work to grab him, hear about his day and either be sad because it was awesome and I missed it, or be sad because it was terrible and I missed it. I then throw him in the car (sometimes with a boob, sometimes without), wade through 45 minutes more of traffic, get home, and am barely able to see straight. John kindly prepares food and manages to shovel it in me as I try to stay awake and enjoy the precious few hours I have with my child. I then collapse into bed, trying to stay awake as long as Cameron does. He sleeps a few hours, wakes, eats, sleeps, wakes, eats, sleeps, and the whole cycle begins again.
I was at my ragged edge. In the last month since I’ve been back at work I feel as tired as when he was a newborn. I can’t think coherently, and have been unhappy, with each day worse than the previous one. I began the frantic resume sending, desperate for any other option. One in particular with a hospice in the area. A dear friend here had worked there and had nothing but wonderful things to say about it. And after talking with me a few days after I was back at work, she (four days postpartum herself) called the hospice and made sure my resume was on somebody’s desk. I had a phone call that afternoon. Thus began the process of interviewing, reference checking, and ultimately, a new, wonderful job.
I’m not even going to get into my love of hospice now, that will be for a different post as I know most people’s reaction to hospice, is really? Ugh. How depressing. Just know it is not for me. Besides being in an area of nursing I have a great interest in, the job is perfect. I am getting paid more, I get many weeks off every year, and my schedule, while on the surface seems odd, especially for me, is wonderful. I will be working 1pm-10pm. This means I get all morning with Cameron, his favorite time of day. He will then go to his grandmother’s house for a few short hours until John picks him up and they get all evening together. The true secret to my happiness is the fact that I am able to do a lot of work from home. I will have two cases a day, and I can do a lot of the paperwork part of the job on the computer at home. So while the hours seem terrible, they couldn’t work out better for us.
There have been a couple of other changes in preparation for the job change over, but I’ll save those for later.
Just wanted people to know we were all still here and doing o.k.
Posted by Lily on Dec 30, 2008 in
Cameron A quick post to say we’re back and settling in and there will be more exciting posts soon. It was wonderful to see so many people when we were in NC, but there were still many we didn’t get to see and miss terribly. Thanks to those who made the effort to come to us, it made our lives a whole lot simpler. And thanks to those who were sick who decided not to visit. I appreciate the forethought and for not sharing bugs with us.
There are numerous stories and photos to share, and I’m posting my favorite one today. Many of you who have read the blog from the beginning remember a frequent commenter named David. I think for awhile people were actually only reading the blog so they could read his comments and I thank him for the increased readership. David is the brother I never had, but desperately wanted, and he has been perhaps the most excited (other than the grandparents and auntie Reed) about the arrival of Bogey into the world. I was therefore a little nervous upon their first meeting that my sometimes cranktacular baby would be less than receptive at meeting his number one fan. Oh, how wrong I was.
Posted by Lily on Dec 11, 2008 in
Cameron,
tidbits The other day I decided to run into Petco as I needed something for Serena. I was a little hesitant to go as Cameron was verging on a meltdown, but I decided I’d give it a try as I have to learn to go out and do things even if he is not behaving perfectly. It was Cameron’s first visit to a pet store. From the moment we entered to the moment we left, he was the happiest baby I have ever seen. He was wide eyed and smiling, cooing, laughing (as much as he laughs right now) the ENTIRE time. I have never seen him so happy for such an extended period of time. I told John I’d hold off on getting Cameron a hamster for Christmas, but John sees the writing on the walls.
Behold Cameron in Petco:
Posted by Lily on Dec 8, 2008 in
Cameron,
parenting In a recent post there was a comment by my friend Kristen about bonding with your baby. It is a subject that I have found to be an important part of my adventures as a new mom. Someone had once said to Kristen that it had taken awhile for her (the friend) to fall in love with the baby because she (the baby) had caused her so much pain. I did not find that to be the case with me, because honestly I think I did not associate him with the pain due to the epidural. By the time it wore off he had long since departed that region of my body to become permanently affixed to another, higher up part. 
However, the issue of immediate bonding was one I struggled with. I had heard from other moms that it doesn’t always happen, so I was trying to set myself up that I might not immediately feel that rush of love and bonding with this new being as the bluebirds sang and the clouds parted and the sunbeams hit us just right, basking us in warm radiance. But I figured it would still be an incredible feeling having this little baby who I’d gotten to know over the last nine months snuggle up with me as he tried to take in this new crazy world around him. I didn’t get that chance though, because he was taken so quickly from me and didn’t return for a few hours.
By the time he was brought back to me in the hospital, the epidural was wearing off and so began the three weeks of Lily saying hi to baby and then as soon as he needed something other than food, Reed or John or my mom taking him as I could not move. I’d say in the first week or so I didn’t really notice this and it didn’t really bother me because I was in so much pain and so exhausted that I can barely remember where I was, let alone that I had a child I was responsible for.
As the weeks progressed however, I became aware that I really wasn’t getting to spend much time with him. Sure, I got to nurse him, but I was unable to maneuver out of bed very well and definitely could not wander around with him or bounce him or dance with him, things he loved and that calmed him down.
John was an expert at these things. John could quiet Cameron faster and better than anyone. And this was fine with me. How wonderful for a dad to get to bond so much with his newborn. The midwife had also suggested we introduce a bottle (with breast milk) early so that John could take over a feeding or two at night allowing me to get some sleep and help in my recovery. Cameron took it like a pro and John did a wonderful job. All of these were lifesavers from my perspective.
Until about three weeks in.
This is when John went back to work.
The first day John left, Cameron screamed for an hour. There was nothing I could do to calm him. He eventually relented, but it was a tenuous day. Before John got home Cameron started screaming. Again. And there was nothing I could do to calm him. Again. John came home, I threw the baby at him, and the baby stopped crying. Instantly.
It was then that it hit me I hadn’t really bonded with him. I loved him, don’t get me wrong, but I could see there was a bond John had with him that I did not. And that I didn’t have much of a bond at all.
Then one morning, I was sitting there with him in bed propped up on my knees and he looked in my eyes and smiled. Then cooed a little. He pretty much laid there transfixed, staring at me. And it happened. I can’t describe the feeling. Kristen also said there are some things about motherhood that only mothers understand. This is one of those things. It was the most wonderful feeling and like that, I felt bonded. I would throw myself under any train/car/bus/monster for him. I would easily trade my life for his. I could spend the rest of my days just looking at him. The bluebirds sang, the clouds parted, the sunbeams hit us just right basking us in warm radiance.
Exactly one week later he spent the entire day crying piercing cries of agony created solely for the purpose of slowly destroying my brain. If I could have left him in the fenced yard with the dogs for the day I would have.
It was a good experience. I realized that first of all it was o.k. not to bond with him immediately. He actually didn’t grow horns or start spitting fire. He hasn’t even been arrested yet. It just took some time. And that even when I feel like I finally did bond with him, it doesn’t mean I have to adore him all the time. He is going to do things that will test me. We haven’t even gotten to toddlerhood or adolescence yet.
He and I are going to be o.k. He knows who I am. He smiles when he hears my voice. I (sometimes) know exactly what little thing to do to change him from screaming maniac into cooing smiles. And he in turn knows how to change me from tearing my hair out mad woman to woman madly in love with her son.
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Posted by Lily on Dec 3, 2008 in
Animals,
Cameron,
pregnancy Few things people had questions about:
Was John or I right in regards to our bet on when Cameron would be born?
As you may remember
John and I bet when Cameron would arrive, because we thought it would definitely be before late October but couldn’t decide on when. If it was before the 12
th, John won. If it was after the 15
th, I won. If it was
in between, it was neutral. I went into labor on the 13
th, he was born on the 14
th. He couldn’t have planned it any better. This kid is trouble.
Whatever happened with Childbirth class?
I totally won. After a
disastrous class the week before, I gave birth one hour and twenty minutes before the final class began. I personally feel that makes me the childbirth class winner as I gave birth right before the last class. I was so good and paid such close attention I had my child! This was debated somewhat, but I stand by my win.
How are the animals adjusting?
Way better than we ever imagined. Sam (dog) has adopted Cameron as his own. He adores him and checks on him all the time to make sure he is o.k. Serena (dog) is missing being the center of every one’s attention but hasn’t put together that this is because of the new creature hanging around. She does occasionally go over and sniff him, mostly I think because she sees Sam do it and he gets lots of love for doing it. The cats are fairly indifferent. None of them are in love with Cameron, but none have tried to harm him in any way either, so that’s success in our book. Well, my book. Success in John’s book is if they were all horrible and he got to send them away.
If there are any other burning questions out there, feel free to ask!
Posted by Lily on Nov 26, 2008 in
Cameron,
tidbits And Smiling. . .
Posted by Lily on Nov 21, 2008 in
Cameron You had to know it was coming. And this probably won’t be the only one. How could I not write a post about the ginormous knockers that took center stage for a lot of my pregnancy and now have taken on a life of their own in this postpartum world?
When John finally got Cameron out of the nursery I immediately tried nursing him as I didn’t ever get to do that right after he was born and I was CONVINCED that A) he was slowly starving in the nursery and B) Newborn Nurseries are full of terrible nurses who like to mess with new moms and don’t know anything about child care and as I laid their desperately waiting for my baby they were funneling formula into him just cause they could.
While not the most lucid thought, I would like to make the disclaimer that I cannot be held responsible for any thought, action, or words that came from me in the immediate two weeks postpartum. My brain was hijacked by hormones and I legally could not be considered a competent adult.
Shockingly, he had not been given any formula in the nursery.
He was brought to me and I excitedly began the magical, amazing world of breastfeeding I’d heard so much about. Too bad there were a few details left out when it was described as a magical, amazing world. Some children are born with all of their body muscle strength in their jaws. As there is actually no milk in at this point, only the colostrum, there isn’t a lot of filling goodness for the Monster Jaw baby. And the colostrum? Only a couple of teaspoons in there at a time. My child laughed at those teaspoons as they were gone in maybe 15 or 18 seconds? But all the lactation consultants said I should leave him on their for five minutes at a time. Five, never ending, tortured minutes. You never know what could be lurking in there waaaay in the back so he would continue to suck until you could hear that slurping sound you get when you continue sucking an empty drink with a straw. Not the greatest feeling in the world, I’ll be honest. Like hanging a 7lb bowling ball from your nipples. And then jumping up and down.
Turns out even though he had a wonderful Monster Jaw, he was not latching correctly. I pointed this out but no one would listen until the morning we left the hospital, TWO days after he was born. As you can imagine, damage had been done. Terrible, horror movie damage that I’ll spare you the details of.
Bottom line was that it made the next little while of nursing incredibly painful as even when he was latching, he was latching on destroyed flesh. Kind of like sticking your finger in a blender and then as it is healing having someone “correctly” start sucking on it with a vacuum.
We’ve got it mostly worked out although he just LOVES to play around while nursing, something I’ve already mentioned.
The Boobs themselves have become a life force. They have become so large they have their own gravitational field that pulls in all the males in the house.
Unfortunately for John they are strictly off limits because my brain can’t yet get around having someone look at them in a non-food way while they are being used exclusively for food purposes. All. The. Time. I’m afraid they will never be the same. Cameron has done things to them that I can’t quite figure out. They point in a different direction each time he is finished with them and I’m pretty sure he is using them to further his sculpturing career.
As far as pain and tenderness goes, I don’t think it has gotten as bad as my first trimester of pregnancy was. A time where I felt I was well within my legal rights to scoop John’s eyes out of their sockets with a melon spoon for the mere glance in the direction of The Boobs. Because when he glanced at them, that was added weight, increasing the already maxed out discomfort level.
My favorite thing I can do now is use them like a water gun. Those things will spray far. And I’m getting good at aim and distance. Not that I do that a lot. At least not all the time.
John’s favorite thing he can do now is to take pictures. Because now he has an excuse to take pictures of The Boobs. He does that a lot. Pretty much all the time.
In the end, it is all worth it for the post nursing full belly baby.
Posted by Lily on Nov 18, 2008 in
Cameron,
parenting We all know that the phrase “Slept Like A Baby” is a load of bull as a baby sleeps for only two hours at a time, maybe three if you’re lucky, maybe four if you have reached some level of parenthood utopia I shall never know. I have found in the past five weeks that pretty much all the other baby ideals out there aren’t real either.
“Awwww. So cute! Newborns are easy; they just sleep, eat, and poop.”
Details left out:
Yes, they are cute. Until they get that horrible acne rash all over their face. And then you’re scared as to whether you gave them leprosy or whether they picked up some unknown fungal infection that has been festering in your uterus for your whole life and now, when mixed with air, your child has become a biological weapon. Truth be told, it hasn’t been that bad. Cameron had a few days of bumps, but they’ve subsided so they can be replaced with the gouges he likes to take out of his chubby cheeks with his claw nails I’m too scared to trim.
There is nothing easy about a newborn. Maybe there is with a second newborn if you’ve already done it once, but the first time is not easy. Sleeping consists of maybe two hour chunks. During which you are convinced they’re going to stop breathing or choke or somehow manage to wrap the power cord in the other room around their neck if you close your eyes for more than 30 seconds. Every grunt, whimper, sniffle, shift, yawn, breath-wakes you up. Well, wakes mom up. Dad seems to somehow have gotten over that one pretty quickly. This is probably good because if both of us were as sleep deprived as I’m becoming I’m pretty sure we’d be sending the dogs out to grocery shop.
Eating isn’t simple. It’s not like they wake up and say “good morning mother. I feel just the slightest twinge of hunger. If it is not too much of an inconvenience do you think you could whip one of those boobs out so I may feel better? Why thank you.” And follow it with a gentle suckle at the breast. No. He wakes up out of a dead sleep and SHRIEKS as if I have never fed him before and due to that lack of nutrition his stomach is currently digesting all of his internal organs. In order to stop this internal digestion he MUST EAT WITHIN 10 seconds or we have to find him new organs. To meet that speedy time goal he must violently lash around like a fish out of water until his extremely round, heavy head comes crashing against my breast and his jaws clamp down. He then starts sucking as if the milk actually comes from my toes so you have to give it that extra power suck to go against gravity and get it out. Repeat in two hours.
Pooping. An event that seems relatively easy, yet to see my child do it, you would SWEAR he actually is reenacting his own birth. It starts as a whimper, escalates to a squeal, and then becomes a full fledged wailing grunt. This can go on for a surprisingly long time. His face will turn various shades of red, blue, and purple and then all of a sudden there is an explosion. An explosion that can be heard across the house, a fact proven when my sister was staying here. She came to check on us because she’d heard an explosion and wanted to make sure the other half of the house was still standing. In fact it was, as was John, who had been the victim of this particular explosion. As you can imagine when something with that much force behind it is released, it becomes a projectile weapon. So if that diaper’s not on watch out. I think John’s bruises are beginning to heal.
I love my baby, don’t get me wrong. All of these things I’m sure will someday seem endearing. And then they will disappear from my head so that I too will tell people how cute and easy newborns are.
Posted by Lily on Nov 12, 2008 in
Cameron 
I know, I’m a day late. But the fact that I’m even getting it in within the same week that he turned one month old is remarkable. Especially as he has decided that it is so cool not to sleep. Well, maybe in the afternoon, long enough to build up enough reserves to be up all night. Then it is cool. I of course have no idea what milestones I should be looking for at this point because all my knowledge of pediatrics flew out the window the moment he flew into the world. The pediatrician asked us all these developmental questions and John and I just looked at each other, thinking, well shoot. We are already behind. What college applications are we supposed to have done by now?
His one month weigh in was 10lbs. He has continued his pace of gaining one pound a week. I think this picture best captures his ever growing cheeks and chunking out arms and legs. Grow baby grow.
He is smiling a lot more now, mostly I think when he knows he has pushed me to my limit of sleep deprived sanity. Or when he is eating, that’s my favorite. He’ll try to pull my boob off my chest with his little gummy clamps some call a “mouth” but I refer to as his vice grip death trap and then he’ll let go, like when you’re pulling a rubber band with someone and they let go and it shoots back at you. It almost makes the same snapping sound. Then he’ll smile. A big, milky smile.
He had his first bath in a tub the other day. Before that we were just doing washcloth baths. He didn’t seem to mind it. We’ll see how the second one goes. But he didn’t cry when we washed and rinsed his hair and that is a victory in my book.
He is going for some world records as well, fitting right into the competitive nature of this family. The first is for the most consecutive days getting the hiccups at least once.
He has gotten them every day since he was born. We’re not even counting the in utero ones, which were quite frequent as well.
He also has sneezed everyday. He doesn’t seem to mind, and it makes me laugh every time.
He is pretty much being a baby, and I’m pretty much being a new mom. John is back at work so each day I wake up filled with dread at how I can possibly take care of this being that is all consuming. Yet somehow John comes home at the end of the day and we’re all still here and the house is still standing.
I do have to admit however that I cried when we stopped using newborn diapers because he outgrew them. He is so screwed if he ever tries to move out of the house. Or graduate kindergarten.
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